And must be making a mint for Borders here in oz - I’ve spent $20 in two days downloading books for my new reader, and I can’t say that I’ve ever bought a single book from them before.

Ingrid in the phone to me  at work:

I: “I’m thinking of purchasing this Uzbekistanian wedding gown. What do you think”

Me: “Umm…”

I: “I’ll just buy it now….. I’ve done it!”

Me: “Oh…”

This blog is slowly turning into ‘Things my wife has said’, for which I make no apologies – it’s far more interesting than the rest of my life anyway. Before this next gem, I should point out that the flight to Queensland is around two hours, and our children are aged five and three.

She: [on the phone to me at work] I think the kids should be put on a plane up to Queensland to see their olds for a week – they could travel as unaccompanied minors. It would be a good experience for their development, don’t you think?

Me: [Stunned silence] …

1. You can’t read a restaurant menu without finding at lease ONE spelling mistake.
2. You can rattle off ‘Ten Top Tips’ on any subject to fill that last half-column.
3. You look forward to everyone leaving at 5:30 so that you can get some real work done.
4. You bought shares in Adobe
5. You stop buying magazines to read for yourself
6. You produce a full page article covering an advertiser’s new armadillo-skin posing pouches because they took the full page ad.
7. You can switch from Cmnd-Optn-Shft-} to Optn-right arrow without thinking.
8. You read the imprint in random magazines while standing in the newsagent just to see who’s working where.
9. You don’t even bother to ask for a fifth colour on the cover.
10. You only bother with putting nine items on the list, because the subbie can finish it off for you.

Scene: Ingrid is driving me home from station while wearing a rather decorated top, covered in beads and sequins:

I: Ow! This top is hurting my hair. I’ll have to take these sequins off.

G: OK… So long as you do it in the right order! Ha! Geddit? Sequins? Sequence? Ha!

I: [pauses] You know, it takes me a while to work out your jokes sometimes, as they often rely on bad pronunciation.

G:……

I: I’ve got to admit though, it’s a pretty funny joke.

G: J

OK, you all asked for it, so here are my views on designing magazine covers. Most of this comes from my many years’ personal experiences in the Australian magazine publishing industry. Some of it is obvious, some of it is personal opinion, and a lot of it is superstition. However if you follow most of it you can’t go far wrong. 

Mastheads are your brand; while the rest of the product will change over time, the masthead won’t. It needs to be strong, instantly recognizable and (ideally) fit on one line.

The masthead needs to be placed as high as possible at the top of the cover – the publication will be displayed vertically in the ‘Waterfall’ space in the newsagency, and your reader needs to be able to spot it quickly.

A (female) model on the cover will increase the cover’s attraction to both male and female buyers

‘Eyes up high’: if the model’s eyes look out of the cover (she should be looking square at the camera) then it is best if she is looking over the magazine in front and below on the newsstand. If you are scanning for the title and are stopped by a pair of eyes, you are more likely to pick up the magazine.

You have 3.5 seconds to attract a user to pick up your magazine. Once you get them to pick it up, you have a 50% chance of their buying it.

Female models sell magazines. Male models don’t.

Red sells. Brown doesn’t.

Kitchens sell. Living rooms don’t.

Having the model’s head on top of the masthead shows confidence in the brand’s place in the market, and helps with the eyes up high. It also makes the model stand out more.

Cover lines sell. (‘Madonna: what she really eats’, ‘Brad dumps Angelina – Again!’)

Numbers sell. (‘492 diet tips’, ’1342 pick-up lines’)

Bulk sells. The more pages in your magazine, the higher the perceived benefit by the reader. Even if the extra pages are a bound-in catalogue, the reader will value the title more over a slimmer one.

Sex sells. Either as cover images (Zoo Weekly) or coverlines (Cosmo). Actual magazine content doesn’t count – Playboy Australia is dead.

Covermounts sell. Attaching something (anything) to the cover will guarantee higher sales, even if the attached product is worthless.

Plastic wrap reduces sales. Even if it is attaching a covermount of the Crown Jewels to the magazine. People want to flip through a magazine before they buy it. If they can’t, they will put it back on the shelf.

The masthead and overall cover design shouldn’t change much from issue to issue so that readers can quickly identify your title on the newsstand. You’ll notice (for example) that Men’s Health always has a white background, with a black and white torso of a man on the cover. The title is instantly recognizable, even from across the room. There are exceptions, of course, (Wired, is a good example) but the readers of these titles are very loyal and will search out the title on the newsstand.

The trend used to be to list practically the whole magazine in the cover lines, This trend is waning, with fewer, punchier cover lines being used.

There is no need to maintain any relationship between the size or impact of the cover line, and the size of the story in the magazine. It is the coverline that sells the issue, and any lack of support within the title will only be noticed after it is purchased. Any disappointment will be forgotten well before the next issue is out.  

Getting your magazine into a prominent place in a newsagency is hard. Distribution is tightly controlled, and each spot on the shelf is costed and needs to return the highest profit possible. You’ll notice that only the most lush, highest-price magazines get the luxury of ‘Stack Space’ in front of the Waterfall display area. The only exception are the high-volume titles, such as Woman’s Weekly, where the staff would have to keep refilling the stand if they were in the Waterfall.

The most sought-after advertising spot in a magazine is the Inside Front Cover. This spot attracts the highest cost, and will be sold to the magazine’s premium clients. The best value spot is the Outside Back Cover, which is the most seen part of the publication, other than the front cover), and it is usually the cheapest.

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That’s about it for covers… I could go on about magazine layout and content, typefaces, distribution, inserts, timing, profit, or subscriptions, but I really should be getting back to work.

Well, seeing that I have had a number of interested parties subscribe, I suppose that I should post something of interest.

Er..

Ducklings.

My wife just left me a voicemail here at work saying that if I didn’t object, she’d pick up a couple of ducklings going cheap. (cheep? Quack?)

I immediately phoned her back and asked her what part of the ‘No More Pets’ mantra didn’t she understand?

In the last seven years, we’ve had: 

   6 x chickens

   4 x ducks

   3 x goldfish

   1 x snail

   3 x dogs

   2 x pigeons (one blind)

   1 x magpie 

Most of which have died.

I fear going home tonight, as I can’t be sure what I’ll find in a shoe box on the kitchen table…

Someone’s subscribed to my site – and they’re not even a family member…

Better still, they’re a ROR programmer!

Regards,

Graham Cattley
Production Manager
¤ Pink Pages Local Directories
¤ Sydney Pink Pages online
¤ DirectClicks

Dawson Media Pty. Ltd.
P.O. Box 199, Parramatta NSW 2150

Phone:  (02) 9635 1400
Mobile:  0421 328 151
Direct:  (02) 9761 0404
Fax:      (02) 9761 0461
Email:   gcattley@dawsonmedia.com.au
Web:    http://www.sydneypinkpages.com.au
            http://www.directclicks.com.au

Is this the same account?

At last a blog user interface that is accessible by simple-minded office workers.

I’ll even try attaching a random pic:

I’m interested to see how this turns out…